How many swingers are
there?
As swinging tends to be a surreptitious endeavor,
no one really can be certain how many people are involved. Our best guess
is very loose: 5 million to 10 million, worldwide. The statistic that
counts is that there are more than you could hope to meet in several
lifetimes, and the number grows daily.
What sort of people are we likely to meet in
swinging?
Just the type you are seeking. (If you give it
a fair chance.)
What is the best way to get started?
It may
seem less intimidating to get started by correspondence, but, sooner or
later, you'll have to face that first personal encounter anyway, so we
recommend going directly to a gathering place. There will be less
pressure, more options, and you won't waste an evening trying to shake
someone who wrote you a bunch of fabrications. And, don't just go once;
there will probably be different people in attendance at different times.
If you can't find clubs nearby (or can't find compatible people at the
clubs) or are simply looking for a new experience, by all means, try the
Internet/magazine approach. See Club Lists.
How should we choose a website for our personal
ad?
It's easy enough to find sites that claim to be
meeting places for swingers; too easy, in fact, for there are hundreds out
there. Our best advice, since we certainly haven't tried them all, is to
choose the one you are most comfortable with. You might not be able to
judge a book by its cover, but you can get a pretty accurate feel of a
site's services by the pictures and ads displayed. If you're looking for
friends, a site full of porno probably isn't a good match. Likewise, avoid
sites that aren't honest up front about their requirements and charges.
Finally, we suggest that a site that keeps pestering the viewer with
additional windows or that is difficult to exit is probably not going to
prove as sincere as you might prefer. See Our
Recommendations.
Will I be expected to wear a condom?
Condom
usage among swingers varies widely. At clubs that have a very open
membership, where people often have sex with folks they've never met
before, condoms are quite common. At the other extreme, at private parties
where most everybody knows everybody, condoms are seldom employed. But,
you just never can tell. So, even if you believe that latex barriers are
the antithesis of intimacy, we advise packing your rubbers wherever you
go.
Are
most swingers bisexual?
Depends on their gender. The
breakdown for females seems to be about 20-40-20-20. That is, 20 percent
of women prefer women to men; 40 percent really enjoy sex with women, but
prefer men; 20 percent aren't really attracted to, but sometimes will play
with, women; and 20 percent find the idea distasteful. Men are pretty much
the other way around. You could swing for a long time and never run across
a man who preferred sex with men over sex with women. Maybe five percent
of men in swinging would admit (at least to themselves) that they are
bisexual, and another 20 to 30 percent are bi-playful — but if you don't
send the right signals, you might never discover that.
If swinging is a couple's activity, why do clubs allow
single people to attend?
Many clubs do not allow singles,
others only allow them on certain nights, some allow single females but
not single males, and others allow both, but usually with some restriction
on the number of single males. The higher rate of bisexuality among women
is the rationale most often stated for permitting single females. (Most of
the single women who attend are there to play with other women.) The
higher endurance of women is the rationale most often stated for
permitting single males. We suspect, however, that the higher amounts of
money to be made by charging single males more than the normal admission
is the real reason that many clubs follow this practice. [Expressing this
view will no doubt cost us some "friends" in the business, but our sense
of fairness and equality demands it. If greed is not the motive, then
single females and males should only be admitted in equal numbers and for
an equal price.]
Is it a good idea to
invite my swinging friends to a party with my non-swinging
friends?
Are the swingers really friends? If so, you should
certainly be able to trust them not to do anything rude or revealing at
your party (or your picnic, graduation, wedding, or any other social
event). Are the non-swingers really friends? If so, you surely have told
them about your lifestyle and they will treat any of your other friends
with courtesy. But, if these folks are simply social acquaintances, then
you will need to give the matter more consideration. Using a little common
sense, we have had generally good experiences with such mixing.
I have a sensitive job,
aren't I putting it at risk by swinging?
People have lost their
jobs because their swinging life was discovered. Usually, however, they
did something pretty dumb (like putting compromising pictures on the Web)
that triggered the trouble. Also, police raids on clubs have happened, but
almost never are the clientele given any trouble, just the operators.
Swingers we have known include doctors, dentists, lawyers, teachers, media
personalities, high-ranking military officers and intelligence personnel,
and members of several local police departments. Some were more cautious
than we, but they all managed to enjoy themselves. For those with
especially sensitive jobs, we recommend sticking to private parties, or at
least, avoiding clubs with unrestricted membership.
What if I meet someone I
know?
This question occurs to just about everyone who entertains
ideas of swinging. The common answer is, “Anyone you meet is there too!”
Of course, you’ve already thought of that. You worry, though, that others
might not be as discreet as you or might not have as much to lose from
public exposure. There are two reasons not to be overly concerned. First,
people who are indiscreet typically have very short careers in swinging.
They don’t get invited back to parties and are quickly barred from clubs.
Second, if these people tend to talk too much, you probably would have
heard them talking already. If you didn’t know that they were swingers,
they aren’t likely to tell anyone that you are. If you meet someone you
know at a club, they might claim that they are “just looking.” In which
case, you can easily make the same claim. If the encounter occurs at a
private party, our best advice is to have a good chuckle and enjoy each
other.
How can we be sure
we’ll like swinging?
You can’t be sure that you will enjoy any
particular swinging experience. But, so what? No doubt, you have been
served terrible food at restaurants, been disappointed with a novel,
suffered through an awful movie, and otherwise not always found life quite
as satisfying as you wish. Such experiences did not prevent you from
trying other eateries, reading other books, watching more films, etc.
Right? So, if should have an unpleasant swinging experience (and you most
likely will, sooner or later), that’s okay. Figure out what went wrong and
try again. For most of us, the good times far outnumber the
not-so-good.
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