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Dear "Joe and Ann"
We're
happy to hear that your first group party was a generally positive
experience for you. Perhaps the following points will help ensure
that future parties are even more fun and free of uncomfortable
situations.
We have the following Q&A on the
subject:
"Will I be expected to wear a condom? At clubs that
have a very open membership, where people often have sex with
folks they’ve never met before, condoms are commonplace. At the
other extreme, at private parties where most everybody knows
everybody, condoms are seldom seen. The degree of use varies
widely from place to place and time to time. But, you just never
can tell. So, even if you believe that latex barriers are the
antithesis of intimacy, we advise taking a few along.
"Whether male or female, it is a serious breach of
etiquette to resist the use of a condom when asked. If you feel
the need to discuss the pros and cons, wait until after all sex
play is concluded. And, of course, never, ever argue or show anger
while at a club or party."
On the other hand, the
person who insists on using a condom has the responsibility to
inform a potential partner of the situation before getting heavily
involved (such as going to a private room or removing one's clothes)
so that either person can gracefully decline to go further and no
one is embarassed. This should be done as soon as you have decided
that you would like to play with this person. If you find a simple
declaration awkward, try telling a story about the time when you had
a humorous moment involving a condom ("which, of course, you always
use").
Unless you are
confident that everyone at the party is using condoms, it would be
wise to avoid group scenes open to the participation of anyone who
wanders into the room. Most every party and club has rooms for
private interactions.
We
would never condemn or disparage those who desire to use condoms,
but the idea of using condoms at a party to prevent conception
strikes us as a bit risky. Condoms are often known to slip and leak
— especially when the question "does anybody have a condom" may well
result in being handed one that is old, cheap, and/or rather
battered. (In the heat of passion, who's going to notice?) Also, the
idea that a playful union might result in pregnancy isn't likely to
increase either party's libido. If other birth-control methods are
not
viable, we urge you to always carry a few dependable condoms with
you.
Stay Playful,
Ed and Dana
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