|
8 March
2005
Dear Ed
and Dana,
My wife has left me for another married man. This
happened earlier this month. The consequences of this are far
reaching and terribly embarrassing. Since this be the case, I will
disclose that in my marriage we had been engaged in swinging. We got
involved with a couple (I will call them "M" and "S" to remain
anonymous) that for the most part seemed to be a great match for us
and stable in their own marriage. As time progressed and as we
became more involved with this family, there were some serious
bonding going on. I should state that we met on the internet.
Unfortunately, my wife and "M" found suit to break marriage and live
together in "M"'s south Columbus rental town home. "M" has dismissed
"S" and her three teenage children from their respective home. Also
I should mention that this happened one week before she underwent
major surgery. Taking this in consideration and also my personal
fondness for "S" and her children, I have taken them into my home.
The reality as you might see is more or less a "permanent" swap of
mate. Forgive me as I say this as this firmly goes against my
personal morals and permeates the significance of the situation.
There are many excuses and justifications for their actions, but
nonetheless this affects my four children and their five.
With regards to my kids, they are in mom's custody.
I visit the kids on the weekends. They are confused, yet resilient
to the change. I remind them often that I love them and we play
together as usual.
"S"'s children are wonderful and have adjusted well
to their new home. At the present, not a lot has been discussed
about the future, but it is clear nothing will ever be the same
again. This brings many tears to our respective immediate families
and children. I am so sorry for the lifestyle I allowed in my home
which has ultimately led to the demise of two homes. I wish not to
set blame, yet I will mention that both "S" and I did everything we
could to reverse our spouse's decisions as soon as they were
presented to us. Naturally, this is not in the best interests of our
children, yet blind affection has led them to their actions. I have
many speculations regarding the timing and reasoning behind their
decision, but nothing is immediately clear. Only the fact that we
are separated remains, and there is nothing I can do to reverse
it.
"S" is … sad also about this separation, but she
reports a less than happy relationship with "M". From what I have
heard and some of what I have seen, she was involved in a troubled
relationship. Letting him go was not too terribly difficult for her,
albeit a marriage of ten years.
* * *
With regards to how things are for me personally, I
am saddened. I miss having my children with me all the time. I took
a long look at the qualities of my marriage and found that in recent
years, truly something was amiss. Our "extracurricular activities"
must have presented an opportunity of escape for our estranged
spouses. Regardless of polyamorous intentions, we were told that
they discovered they cannot love more than one and they chose each
other over us. Yes, this sounds much like a tale from the Jerry
Springer TV show, but I am living it! My ex said this is what she
wants and it makes her happy. I cannot hold shackles to her and keep
her home. So she is gone. I have a new family here with me now. I
love them all, and wish to make this work for the better of the
children.
That's my story. I hope that no one find's this
situation their reality. Please be careful and think about this
before doing it.
-Mark
[Some identifying information has been
removed.]
| 
