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Dear Mike,
We see
two ways that your activities might cause you “trouble.”
First,
a single male may not fully comprehend your practice, or may not
fully comply with your rules. For example, he might start pestering
your wife to have sex with him when you are not present. Or, he
might decide he’s in love with her! That could get real
messy.
Second,
sex with a single guy is just not as safe as sex with another
married couple. Not only is the risk of infection higher, but so is
the risk of having your names spread all over town (or over the
Internet) in a less-than-flattering way.
Both of
these risks can be greatly reduced if the single guys are selected
from those who are experienced regulars at an on-premise swingers’
club that screens its attendees carefully. Generally, these men
understand the rules and the desires of those they play with. (We’d
still recommend having them use condoms.) Another approach is to
swing with couples in which the female is strongly bi-sexual (if
your wife enjoys such play). That way, you can sit and watch her
being pleasured by two people!
As for
the concern you expressed about “using” your wife, it doesn’t seem
to us that you are using each other any more than if you were just
having sex together. This kind of “use” is what relationships are
all about.
As for
your wife feeling “slutty,” in our experience, most women enjoy that
feeling from time to time. And they should. After all, would you be
worried about feeling “studly”? You might want to read our
discussion of the “politics of shame” in Together
Sex.
Thanks
for writing. Let us know how things turn out.
Stay
Playful,
Ed and Dana
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